Miami Didn’t Change, I Did
I was in Miami last weekend for my best friend's birthday. And I've been there many times before. But this time, we weren’t just in Miami, we were in Brickell, which is known for its glittering business towers, world-class restaurants and luxury condos, towering over Biscayne Bay.
FLASHBACK: My first time down South was on a women’s trip with a church, and I was in my early 20s. We took a charter bus from my hometown Kissimmee down to the Sawgrass Mall in Fort Lauderdale. At the time, I was a single mother of two on public assistance so I could only afford the cost for the seat on the bus; but back then, even that was enough for me.
Now in present-day, I’m wearing $250 slides, being hit by another moment of truth: I’m afraid of not having enough.
I kept sneaking to the side to check my bank account. First the internet connection took too long, so I found myself breaking out into a mini panic.
Then, I kept imagining opening my bank account and seeing a BIG FAT ZERO as my balance. The more I envisioned this, the more freaked out I became.
Then swiftly, my app would open to my thumbprint and remind me that I have MORE THAN ENOUGH to do whatever damage my heart and my home girl could dream up!
After about the 3rd time I took a step back and became the curious observer of my reality and that’s when it hit me.
I’m afraid of not having enough! DANG!
We don’t often consider poverty as a contributing factor to trauma. Truth is, children and their families living in poor, inner-city neighborhoods are said to be at a higher risk for experiencing multiple traumas. Traumas are defined as “events that result in or pose a threat to a person's physical integrity and that cause a reaction of intense fear, horror, or helplessness.”1
I grew up poor and like my momma likes to say, “Y’all we’re poor and didn’t even know it.”
At one point, we lived in the Chateau motel, which is where we lived when my first child was born and after that, I moved into the house that my son and second born called the “ratty roachy house”.
For me, my intense fear of not having enough money to parlay last weekend spawned from experiencing the impact of financial stressors even as a child, long before I spent a dime on leisurely living. And way before my Jheri curl and later Salt-N-Pepa mushroom hairstyle.
As a single teenage mother, I’ve also had to overcome emotional spending, fear-imposed saving, giving it all away in fear of “making a mess of it” if what I had remained in my possession = all around limiting beliefs about money. All of this was unknown to me on the surface and required me getting serious about not just declaring that I’m financially blessed, but really doing the internal work so that I can lay hold of the blessings.
Like depression, trauma can be a result of multiple things and for some, they may not even know that they are suffering. And they think this is normal when in reality, they’re living a fraction of the abundant life they have access to.
In light of Mental Health Awareness month, if you’ve been suffering from PTSD as a result of trauma-related events, I encourage you to talk with your healthcare provider about what you may be experiencing or checkout betterhelp.com. Don’t have insurance? I got you! Go to OpenPathCollective.org to find a sliding-scale therapist in your area.
In my workshops, we go deep into beliefs around money, trauma, and how to create a life of abundance. Please check my website for details.
American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 4th. Washington, DC: Author; 1994. [Google Scholar]
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